I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
