Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
