Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
