I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize