How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
she told me i tasted like america
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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