I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
