Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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