I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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