battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
How's work?
Spinning.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
