I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
