i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
