Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
