when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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