my being single is dangerous.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
