Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(805): View more from California

Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her

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(740): View more from Ohio

I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream

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(653): View more from

I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.

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(808): View more from Hawaii

Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.

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(317): View more from Indiana

I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?

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