how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Damn victory sex feels great
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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