I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
