whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
