Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
