I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize