Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.

Fav 25 3795 1244
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(516): View more from New York

Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.

Fav 11 7681 803
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(404): View more from Georgia

Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags

Fav 12 1067 4733
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(303): View more from Colorado

i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x

Fav 10 8368 1629
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(620): View more from Kansas

It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"

Fav 21 1900 5944
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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.

Fav 7 1456 753
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(214): View more from Texas

I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting

Fav 0 43 23
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