i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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