I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I have post one night stand depression
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
