Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
