I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
