I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
cat food counts as protein by the way
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
