Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
