I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
