..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
