Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
