Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
