I want to have your abortion
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
