6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
