You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
