but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
