I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
