ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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