After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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