Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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