forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
