I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
