I think i peed on brittanys purse
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize