It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
