forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize