Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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