either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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