I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize