i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
