I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
