I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize