I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
