we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
