This girl is more easily done than said...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
