he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
