Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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