Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
