If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
