he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
