smell my finger.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
