i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize