i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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