I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
