apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Congratulations! We have a period
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