carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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