Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
