Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
