just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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