You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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