All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Randomize
