Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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