"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize