Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
