No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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