you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
