we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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