Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
you're hired as official boob wrangler
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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