I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize