i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
