just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
A+ Viking dick
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
