You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
