i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I feel great
I just peed on a car
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
