She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
