Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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