dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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