1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
