I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
