Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
