Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
