No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
