He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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