Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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