I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
