this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
