I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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