so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize