Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize